closer to the green zone

I am so glad that I managed to go for a fill, last week. Tomorrow it will be a week since I went and I have lost about 2 pounds. I know this is not the green zone but it has brought me closer for sure, and I am having to be careful with my food now, I apparently had become super sloppy and been stuffing it in, and now I have to remind myself to slow down and take smaller bites. This last week I have had two tiny stuck episodes and that is all my fault for not paying attention. I am increasing my water intake and have not had a drink with my meals since the fill because I could feel that it would not end well (I had been drinking with my food ever since having that un-fill). I feel like now things will start happening again. I am going to the gym tomorrow and I am petrified and even though I know that this particular gym is focused on obese people and was opened by people that work with the gastric bypass patients here.

Sundays

Went to bed at 2 am and was up before 8 am (studying what else haha), decided to do some light exercise and did 30 minutes on the bike,  took it slow (anyways according to my biology class you burn the most fat if you stay below 70% of your max heart rate) only did 8.8 miles and then did some light weight lifting, trying to get my shoulder better, it is crappy and has been since January, think I am going to try get an appointment with an orthopaedic doctor and see if I cant get an update on my wonky back and see if he can figure out this unexplained chronic lumbar pain I have had since childhood, I honestly want to see if a proper doc can tell me whats wrong cause I am not wanting to accept unexplained any longer. I am sick and tired of constantly being in pain and having to just pop painkillers to try and ease it which is not always the case. So hopefully I get some diagnosis and that can get my back in order and maybe see whats up with that shoulder whilst Im at it.

I am invited for dinner at my "sister in laws" house tonight. It will be nice to get some break from all the lab reports and exam prep. She is moving to Norway this summer and I am super excited for her and I cant wait till I can move as well (gotta get my degree/licence first).

Saturdays are the hardest

One of the hardest things about living in Iceland for a food addict like myself are Saturdays. It is generally called candyday and from a young age almost everyone eats tons of candy on Saturdays. Now I am trying to detox but I did not do a good job today, I went to the store to buy candy for my bf as he is working on board a ship and will be stuck at the docks until monday so I totally bought chocolate for myself and now I am like almost in tears with disappointment at myself. Why is this so hard, I finally have some restriction which is totally helping with the food but stupid chocolate melts and goes down super easy and I am a weak person at the moment, and trying to break a 32 year old tradition is hard.

Sorry bout the whiny post, just needed to vent. I sometimes wish I had someone I could call when I am having these cravings and just talk it away but just so happens I dont and the people around me have no idea how hard this really is. I could blame this all on stress but that just isnt completely true, of course it doesnt help but the stress doesnt go to the store and buy chocolate, I do. This is totally a first world problem and I sometimes feel embarrassed that this is my greatest problem in life and that it is not lack of food that makes me cry but the abundance I ingest .

YAY finally got a fill

I got a fill today and even though I am super happy about it I am still disappointed because I had hoped to be at 6.5cc but 5.9cc is better than 5.4cc´s. And he will be here again next month so I am getting closer to a good fill.

I had my first real stuck moment on Sunday. Did not enjoy it I can tell you. I took a bite of my sons birthday cake and for some super weird reason it got stuck. Never again do I want that to happen, thankfully it didn't come back up but it was rather uncomfortable and slightly painful at the same time.

So now lets hope this fill helps me stay fuller for longer cause I don´t want to keep gaining weight, especially since I was so close to the two digit weights (kilos). I hope I hit that eluding green zone soon.

still here, just super busy

I have felt these past weeks that I have not had a moments rest but it will all be worth it in the end (or so I keep telling myself). I have an appointment for a fill on Monday 24th and hopefully the weather will be good cause it is a 40 min drive over to the town where he does them and my appointment is at 11:20 am and I am supposed to be at the lab at 1 pm so it will be a bit tight but I´ll manage.

I am drowning in reports I have to make, I have 4 to hand in tomorrow then in the next two weeks I have a total of 7 other to do. I am joining a gym on the 26th and I cant wait, I am having these almost depressing panic attacks about this weight that has crept on me. I have gained about 15 pounds since my gallbladder removal and un-fill. I hope he can get me at least back to 6.5 (what I was before the un-fill) since the 5.4 I have in it now does nothing for me. To add to my current stress due to school and gaining and all that, the Uni teachers are going to vote about a strike in the end of this month and if they go on strike that will be during our finals so I would be in a bind regards to student loans and the bank, but I am trying to think positive.

I swear I am  feeling the age creep in, my b-day was on Friday and I did nothing, literally nothing, well nothing special that is. I went shopping for my son because he needs new shoes and pants, it just made me feel older hahaha he has alway only worn comfy gym pants but now he wanted skinny jeans like super skinny and well we are still on the hunt for shoes, cause he apparently has grown a very definite taste so now I cant even try to persuade him to try something different, he just has to find black shoes with red soles, and well now that he is no longer a kid a pair of shoes will cost me at least $150 "sigh" sometimes it sucks to live in Iceland.