weigh in and first day of school

Day of surgery: 127 kg or 280 pounds 
Today: 106.6 kg or 235.0 pounds
Loss last week: -0.7 kg or -1.5 pounds
Total loss: 20.4 kg or 45.0 pounds

I am OK with how things are going now that the bf is home. He is a great support and kinda keeps me in line food wise haha except for that ice cream I had last night (well we had to celebrate that they accepted our offer on the apartment and that all the data needed is now in the hands of the bank, I am trying to be super positive that they will say yes to our loan). 

My scale was all over the place this morning. I always step on it twice if the number is really low and this morning it was 106.5(233.7) and I thought that couldn't be right so I stepped on it again at least 5 times and got 3 different results so I am going with the middle one the highest it showed was 106.8 (235.5) so it is not like it is a huge difference.

Today is the first day of school and I am so not up to this. I wanna cuss a bit just for getting up this early. Had my clock set on 6:50 am and I woke up a bit before that. My lucky kid doesn't have to go to school until tomorrow morning but we have to stop by there today to get the schedule and stuff.

NSV x 3!

#1
I just bought myself a winter garment, think you call it a parka. It was in size 46 or 18. I didn't want to try and zip it up in the store since I thought it would not work so I bought it thinking in a month I would fit in it. But... once home I tried and its a tight squeeze but usable SO FREAKING HAPPY!
This is the parka I bought. It is from ZO-ON which is an Icelandic company and I have been dreaming about buying from them. And I could. I don't care that it was the biggest size they had. It was a freaking 46/18(should probably mention that my last parka was a size 54/26)

#2
And that made me try to button up my robe from work in a 46/18 and it too fit. It didn't 2 weeks ago.

#3
This all made my try out my pants in the same size UK 46/18. I could button and zip them! it is a very tight squeeze and I would never use them like this but I don't care, THEY FIT!!

So here I sit, at 9:30 am drinking a protein shake and having one slice of crispbread with cheese. And I so can not wait to take out those jeans and use the, can't believe I am down from 24/26 to 18! that is so awesome 

I also tried on my jeans in US 16 which apparently should be the same as a UK 18 according to some size chart I found online but I tell you that is not the case that is surely a UK 16 as well. I had this same problem while in Florida last year. I was prepared to buy US 22's since that is the same as UK 24's. But I bought 24 since 22 didn't fit at all. And freaky Wikipedia says that UK 18 would be the same as US 12 and hell no I am not buying that from my own experience.

weigh in

Day of surgery: 127 kg or 280 pounds 
Today: 107.3 kg or 236.5 pounds
Loss last two weeks: -0.1 kg or -0.2 pounds
Total loss: 19.7 kg or 43.4 pounds

Ok not gonna lie I am happy with this. It means even with all the stress that has been on me for the past weeks it has not done any damage to my weight.

My father in law is doing so much better. He is astounding doctors and they say there is a chance that he can leave ICU today or tomorrow if things keep up like they did yesterday. They also told us how lucky he was. He apparently was just think it was minutes from bleeding out. I feel so blessed today. My bf is home now and has seen his dad and we are going back there at noon. 

feeling utterly useless and super sad

Like I said in the last post shit keeps coming.

My father in law (well not in law but you get the meaning) had major surgery last night (due to sudden medical emergency), I had to tell my bf that his dad only had 50/50 chance of survival and it still makes me feel sick to my stomach. I feel so useless like I should be doing something but not knowing what. I picked up my mother in law and one of her daughters from the airport since they were in Sweden and now I am going to pick up my bf later today because the surgeon told me to tell him to come home so he jumped to the next ship coming to port.

Ugh I just don't know what to do or say. Trying not to stuff my face with things that will make me feel better for a while.

little to report

I saw my doctor on Monday (guess that was yesterday). He agreed with me on not putting any more in the band until after I am used to my schedule for the winter.

I am such a moody bandster these days. I am either happy or depressed. For some reason shit seems to come at me all at once and I only just get over one hurdle before the next one hits.

I am a brat!

Yup I had this idea that we should just take over the loans on this apartment we are renting and turn the dining room into another bedroom and knock out the wall between the kitchen and living room and have it a open space. That would save us about $25.000+. Because we would have to renovate it some but the cost of buying a newer place would be about $41-42.000. Ugh but my bf says no. Since it would mean a lot of work and I know we are both in school but this would mean we are financially safe for the next two years if he doesn't get a job next summer. So I am super bummed now that he said no. And now I am being a big baby and sulking like mad.

so stressing *updated*

It has been the most weird and stressful past days, so hoping it will  be soon over.

My son broke his foot on Monday night and we first thought that he might have sprained it but to me it didn't look that way. So on Tuesday I got off from work just before 4 pm and spent the next 6 hours at both the local clinic and then the ER. He was put in a cast and all that jazz. Anywho now I have to take him back to the ER because the cast is weird, when he stands up his toes turn real purple and he gets super pressure in them so apparently blood is going down but not up again which indicates its to tight somewhere. This is causing me stress. Because I am home alone and no-one is available to help, and I have to be at work at 10 pm no ifs or buts about it. It is now 7:20 am and we are heading down there hoping to be the first ones in and I am hoping it will be all over before 9:30 so I can drop him off at home and get to work on time.

Here's to hoping

Update:

So we saw another doctor today and he said that even though my sons foot is broken there is no need for a cast. So it was taken off and he is quite happy about that. I am a dictator and am not allowing him to use his foot if he can possible skip it.

Stress level decreased dramatically. But I woke up at 5 am with massive back pain, and have been awake since then, and for some reason the office at work forgot to man all the shifts today and I was alone working and until I came home today all I had eaten was 4 cartons of 250 ml protein shakes. I was starving and bought shit loads of unhealthy stuff. But it was placed in my cupboard. 

Sorry for being MIA

I have not been on here in a long while. I fell shit faced on my arse and have not done anything good.

I have tons of excuses like, humungous stress due to complications in the sale of our house, working all day and all weekends for a month straight plus extra shifts after 8 hour workday. But none of that is a good enough excuse to behaving like I have.

I have  been hiding to be honest. I am petrified I am going to screw everything up. I know as soon as school starts and my bf comes home things will change. But I am still scared and am for some weird reason not doing anything to appease it.

I have been feeling like a psycho, going from "yeah I am doing so good, I have lost 33% of my goal weight in 8 months" to "I am a huge failure and don't deserve any progress". That and I am beginning to see how awful my skin will be, since it is all wrinkly but I keep telling myself this is a slow process and I should be proud of what I have done and keep looking forward. But its just bloody hard.

I am going to start blogging again even though no one might still be reading but I need to be more accountable in this whole process. I need a support system that much is obvious.

I am seeing my surgeon on the 12th and am scared to tell him how bad I have been doing.

Yeah I am feeling quite down and not up to any longer confession than this at the moment. I also have to get ready for work, working till 10 pm tonight.

I am always on FB so I dont know if you are using that as well I am on there but not many know about my surgery so I have not friended any lapband groups that arent hidden. But yeah not sure if I should put my name on here but here it goes on FB search Íris Elva Jónsdóttir

Hopefully I´ll be in a better mood tomorrow for a more upbeat blog or at least a better food day.