this is so hard

I am such an carboholic. I am resisting with all my might not to go to the bakery and buy me a big cinnamon roll covered in caramel. Like the one on the right, it is my all time favorite to snack on I am almost dreaming of it.

I am not joking when I say I am feeling a bit lightheaded, which I think is because I am not eating the foods that I am used to. That in it self is a good thing, because those foods are a big reason why I am at this weight. I am eating about 2-3 protein drinks per day, and one meal. Like last night I made my kid an me each a beef snitzel mmm it was so good. And tonight I am making gullash kind of stew I think you might call it.

I am trying to cook our food from scratch rather than make processed foods. It will be ever so easier in about 10 days because thats when my boyfriend comes back from his tours at sea. And I have to admit he is so much better than me at all his housework stuff, including cooking. I rock at baking though :-þ

Another food/baked goods I keep thinking about is cupcakes... yup I just recently found a good cupcake recipe and I so want to try it out with chocolate chip in it but I guess I´ll have to save that for some other time. I think I would not be thinking so much about food if I had not set these goals for myself.

I am going to rock this band. I WILL not let potential setbacks bring me down. Nobody is perfect and you learn from your mistakes, I know I might fail at times but that wont define me. And I will just have to pick myself up and keep at it. This is a mental attitude I need to keep to because if I keep doing what I used to do then I will never change and I refuse to be like this anymore. I don't deserve it and my family doesn't deserve it either.

Well that is enough time in self pity, best get back to this calculus assignment we have to hand in on Wednesday, better do it quick as my partner in it is going to Hawaii OMG so jealous hahahaha