weird fill + weirder port

So two days ago I went and saw my doctor for a fill, he tried to bring me to 6 cc, so the fill he put in was 1.5 cc, well that didn´t go so well. After a tiny sip of water I had to have some of it taken back out. He thinks that is weird that my band refuses such big fills considering I was at 6.5 cc before all this gallbladder debacle. So now I am at 5.4 cc and will have another fill when he gets here again in 3 months. I am flat out refusing to have anyone else fill me up after the freakish 6 tries and hell of a lot of pain and bruising that happened last time.

Onto the port, my port used be positioned so that he could just jab that sucker in there no problem, but after my last horror fill with the x-ray my port has not flipped but it is now lying weird so he has to come in at a 45° angle for a fill, he says its OK so I will try and not freak out.

He was also super happy with my progress, I had only gained 4.4 pounds since I saw him last and that was when I was totally unfilled. And these 4.4 pounds are my holiday gain. He was very happy and said he would have estimated about 22 pound gain due to my long no fill and long tiny fill, so I was superbly happy.  YAY me

I am still waiting on two grades, I have passed all my others to my surprise, I was just so happy since I missed out on roughly 5-6+ weeks out of 14 due to my gallbladder crap. So I am super happy with my 60%, 65% and 70% passes I have gotten, now I am just waiting for the last two, I am going to pass one of them just matter of by how much and the other well I dont think I will pass but if I get 50% I will be squeeking so high your going to hear it all the way to where ever you are at hahahaha.

Now onto the new year which is going to be loads better than this year, I will keep at my weight loss, try exercising more (found my electric cord for the bike yay), study harder and work like a lunatic this summer so I can have some money for that confirmation trip to the US we want to take our son on.

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS 

Its here!

It has arrived, it is 2.30 pm and Christmas starts in three and a half hours. Cant wait to go over to moms and eat dinner and open the presents. I am having a slight case of holiday spirit loss, but I dont want to go into that on here since some of my family may read it.

Happy holidays, hope you have a wonderful time with your loved ones

8 days, 4 hours and 25 minutes till Christmas

Yup I am counting, icelandic Christmas starts at 6 pm on the 24th. So in 8 days and 6 hours I will be sitting at my moms stuffed after eating our meal and started opening the presents.

I am trying to relax after the exam stress of the last 2-3 weeks. It is not going well, I feel like I should be doing something and it is bugging me. All this stress has increased my blood pressure, I am not to worried as it will go down again when I truly relax. But it also has my shoulders and whole body in knots and that is more annoying.

I also put on 4.4 pounds during exams, not to worry I have lost them all now just 4 days later, guess me drinking the traditional christmas ale (malt soda mixed with orange soda) by the barrel wasn´t helping. That and I and my friend ate 4.4 pounds of chocolate (konfekt oh so good assorted filled chocolate that we only eat during Christmas)

 We put up our Christmas lights and by we I mean my bf

 I couldn´t resist these socks

 I went a lil coo coo during exams

 trying to study and devouring that chocolate you see on the left

 I find lighting lots and lots of candles relaxing

 I was kinda glad sometimes to be stuck inside studying when the weather outside was like this

 I like flavoured lip balm just as much as the next person but these got me wondering if people really use them. Like they even had donut ones.

 My kid and I are going to put together a gingerbread house. He designed it all and now lets just pray that it fits together.

This is the traditional icelandic advent wreath. It has 4 candles, you light one each advent sunday and the first one is 4 sundays before December 24th. They each have a name but I cant remember them right now. I also squeezed my advent calendar in the middle. 

finally done with these exams

and I am exhausted like literally I can barely keep my eyes open. After I publish this then I am going to sleep even though it is 1am. I slept barely 2 hours last night because I was prepping for this organic chemistry exam. I think I failed it but I did my best and considering I was way behind on this course I was pretty much destined to fail. I worked super hard to catch up on all the courses and I think I passed all the others.

Anywhoot, will be here again today/tomorrow whenever I am conscious next.

Miss reading your blogs but I have had no life at all these last two weeks.

gaining

Exams and Christmas and a small amount in my band is not a good combo. I know I should be better at this. But I have to confess that I am allowing myself to eat things that I couldnt with my normal fill. I am up and down on the scale. I am still having rather nasty backpain and my bf is trying to be the best and brings home candy and laufabrauð (leaf bread) and I cant say no when I know it is in the house. I looooove leaf bread with icelandic butter omg that is the best and it is my holiday addiction. Well gotta get back to studying. Excatly two weeks from now I have my first exam and it will be over at noon on December 13th.

fill and a port flip scare

OK so I finally had a fill. Not the one I wanted but a fill non the less. The fill went great, no pain hit the port right away (using x-ray). But then I had to take a mouthful of that contrast fluid and swallow. It hurt like a mother fudger. It was going through OK he said but I was in pain so we decided it would be good to take 0.5 ml back out. Then trouble started. Apparently my port is not lying flat and never has (its always kinda on the side ever since it was placed there) and he had trouble getting back in, the port kept turning away and then he said it was facing its back towards him (cue panic) and it finally went in, only took 4 different jabs and tons of blood (nah just kidding but I hate it so it looked like a lot to me). So now I have 4.5 ml in my 10 ml band, my surgeon said I could have a fill between 5.5-6.0 ml. I am bummed that I had that pain when he put 5.0 ml in it, because before the unfill I had 6.5 ml in there. But I´ll take what I can. And regarding the port, he says it hasn't flipped but that it just wasn't cooperating and I shouldn't worry about it. Now lets hope that when my surgeon comes in December he can put at least the remaining 2 ml back in there. I don't know how long I should be on liquids since I had such a big fill but I think I will do 4 days of liquids and then try out mushies, lets see how long I can keep it up.

1st bandiversary

Yikes my first bandiversary came and went by without me noticing. I have apparently been super busy. I am happy with my progress, I am sometimes I admit jealous when I see others doing so much better but then I acknowledge that I have not been working out and doing all I can. I am 53 pounds or 24 kg down today from my surgery day. That is awesome! I am almost half way there and wow I didnt think it would happen. It can be super hard to not fall back to my food demon ways but I think even with these 2 weeks being unfilled do to that nasty gallbladder of mine (may it rest in pieces) I have not gained too much after being able to eat again after almost 2 weeks on that lovely IV that made my weight drop so happily (although painfully at the same time).

Anywhoots, I am yeah quite happy with how this first year has turned out. I will have to see if I cant find any pictures to put in here.

Got the all clear and a fill tomorrow

Went to see the surgeon that did my gallbladder removal 4 weeks ago to this day. He gave me the all clear and said I can now start lifting and exercising ( not that I have time to with exams approaching ). He agreed with the GP that it most likely was a rib cage arthritis and I should take a course of anti inflammatory for a while also because I am going to be sitting and stiffening up with study. So.... as soon as I can I am gonna try to gain some of my energy back.

I am also going for a fill tomorrow YAY!! miss my fill. I was told I should put in anywhere from 5.5 ml to 6.0 ml and that my surgeon will be here during the holidays and that he will fill me up and give me a bit more as well since I was not at the right level. This is awesome news sorta... see I have to take that anit-inflammatory and they are probably like 2-3 times as big as my pill. I have seen people say they take all sorts of tablets but I am a wuss and will be somewhat afraid to do that so soon after a fill but we will see how it goes, it is this that is directing me more towards the lower end of a fill.

Anywhoots really have to get back to the books, exams start in 3 weeks and I have so much to do this week, with catching up on the labwork I missed out on and writing reports on that.

Toodles

trying not to be too positive

The last month or so whenever I have become positive that things are looking up. But when I woke up this morning I had slept the whole night without waking up to have any pain meds. I then went to school at 10 am and stayed until 3 pm. I am so much better even with pain meds, I am going to take them for at least tomorrow because I seriously need to attend the first class which is mandatory and it gives you the right to sit the finals. I will try to see how it goes without pain meds on Saturday.

On more fun notes I bought a Lazyboy, I wanted a big comfy chair for my office where I could sit and read. Then I found an armchair that looked comfy and even though I didn't like the colour it was at a very good price only $57. Then I sent my bf to go get it. It turned out to be a Lazyboy and I loooove it. It will also come in handy when I get rid of my most likely Shar Pei like skin hahahaha love that, gosh I want a dog. I so miss my labrador. He has a fabulous new owner (we had to let him go when we decided to go to school in 2010), and she regularly posts something about him on Facebook so we know how he is doing.

Well back to the books while I can

please no more pain

I am getting seriously depressed now. I started having mild back pain and severe pain near my lower ribcage on the left side on Monday. I have not slept well and as I write this the time here is just after 4 am and I can not sleep due to pain. I saw a GP today and she thinks it is just rib cage arthitis but let me tell you this hurts like a mother ****er and there is nothing "just" about that. I have been taking anti inflammatory and codeine tablets but it doesn't work. I am quit sure I am having another gallstone episode, why oh why didn´t they remove them all. I really need to be OK, I am so far behind on school and I seriously need to pass 18 credits this semester or I´ll get not student loans and that would screw up all our finances. Not to mention that if I get anymore behind I am facing a fail in all my courses.
Sorry about the rant guys but I am at my wits end no. Oh yeah forgot to mention I took my son to the GP as well and she thinks the lump is just a swollen gland since there is only one of them so that is good.

lightbulb moment while watching animal planet

I had a lightbulb moment just now. We were watching Animal Planet a show called Too Cute! and it was about these adorable puppies of different breeds. Then I saw these 10 week old Shar Pei puppies run and I laughed out loud and said to my boyfriend "thats how I am going to look once I´ve lost all this weight" his response was something on these lines "yup super cute". I think he just made up for that hippo reference he made last winter (he meant I was as bad tempered or something on those lines when I he called me a hippo).

how cute is this breed

still unfilled

So I went to see my surgeon today as he is in Iceland for patient check ups. I was supposed to be filled somewhat if not all, but nope not even a single drop was put back in. He felt I was still too swollen and since I have a referral for a free x-ray fill he wants me to do just that next week and see him again when he comes during the holidays. So now my willpower will be put to the test. I am not loving the fact that I have already gained back almost 8 pounds after coming home from the hosptial but hey I should be happy I havent put on all that weight I lost.

So now I am a bit bummed and somewhat depressed since I have still no fill and I kinda feel like a part of me is missing in a way, because with the band I am so conscious about how and what I eat and now I am not.

And to add to that, my son found a lump the size of a blueberry in the back of his neck last night and I am going to take him to see a doctor, the hypochondriac me is not loving this, he also has a weird lump/swelling thing on the lower  part of his back/spine area. I am kinda anxious about this all but trying to be positive.

when is it over

I am still sore and swollen in the abdomen area, I still am not sleeping right because it is painful to toss and turn like I am used to. I feel like a crybaby, I went to school this morning and then straight home to try and catch up on what I´ve missed. I am nauseous and feeling like I´m sick (you know that feeling when your skin just is kind of painful to the touch) ugh just ugh.

I am also trying to not be deterred by my slight weight gain because I know that it is needed, I am restoring fluids and I most likely lost some muscle mass.

See what I meant by cry baby. But this picture made me laugh silly just now so it will all be good.

56.4 pounds gone almost half way there

Ok so I lost a lot of pounds during this bloody gallbladder thing. But I am hoping I can keep them off. I am even trying to be super upbeat about not having anything in my band. Trying to eat small meals, and rather eat often and drink loads of water.

This awesome picture shows how little I need to lose to be in the two figure weights. So I am now in 223.5 pounds and am super happy about that, my goal weight is 165.3 pounds.

total unfill and second operation

I was just unfilled completely. I had to go back to the hospital on Monday due to continuing severe pain. Apparently a stone got dislodged during the gallbladder removal and went sailing down the bile tunnel and clogged it up. So now instead of being 3-4 millimeters in diameter it is 10 millimeters. So I was sent for an unfill and am scheduled for a ERCP (endoscopic something whatnot) today. I am super scared about being unfilled even if it is just for a short time. I so want to do good, but my evil brain was instantly thinking "mmmmmm subs you havent had subs since your surgery".
Anywhoot heres to hoping I wont gain any weight and I wont have any problems after this surgery. The x-ray technician that unfilled me scared me when he said "well now you have a gastric problem due to not having a gallbladder and we dont know how that will affect the lining of the stomach" and I nearly shit myself thinking well does that mean I might lose my band :(

wish me luck

less pain and loving the scale

I am getting better by the hour. I am no longer on any strong meds, only taking paracetamol (thats acetaminophen in the US). I am not taking the anti-inflammatory anymore. I am still feeling kinda off, not really sure how to describe it, kinda like faint but not ugh lets just say I ´m off.

I am loving the scale these days, but not sure it will stay off. I am continuing to losing weight after I came home from the hospital. This morning it said 103.8 kg (228.8 pounds) and that made me step on it again and then it said 104.3 kg ( 229.9 pounds). I hope that the weight will keep off, because I have been eating since I came back home.

Is it weird that I am a bit hmm not scared but something on those lines about nearing my lowest weight that I was in 2007, I have been to 103.6 kg before that was in May 2007 and then I screwed it up. I think my mom was right when she asked if I was a bit timid about approaching this weight again. My onderland will be 220.2 pounds that´s 99.9 kilos and means I am under the three digits.

Anywhoots, I should try and eat something more. I am so not going by the rules these days, I am eating tiny amounts and often. Also I am petrified of having to go #2 (sorry guys), this scares my now because I am still not pain free, and I am hating on this big cut in my navel.

2 days post op again

this second time post op is way more painful, I am hurting bad and I hope none of you has to have your gallbladder removed. The worst pain is in my back it is killing me, I spent a big part of today just crying and being a bit pathetic, my bf was in school and called me and heard how bad I was feeling and called my mum and had her come over. I just so hope this stronger codeine pain meds we have will help with tonight, I have not slept a good night for over a week now, I want this pain to leave no sooner than yesterday. I lost 2,5 kilos (5.5 pounds) from Friday to Wednesday, I am hoping it will not come back lol that would be a sliver of good coming from all this nasty pain.

Sorry I swear I will start blogging more positive soon, I just need to vent and I am not loving this pain, I so want it gone.

who needs a gallbladder anyways

Well this is gonna be a bit long, sorry guys.

Just got home from the hospital, been there since late Friday night. I had been having massive back pain that meant it was painful to breath. I finally gave up on Friday after 4 days of this pain and went to the ER and there began the endless tests, first they took x-rays of my chest and from that they thought it was fluid build up round the heart and lungs, yeah told me that at 5 am and said go to sleep now, the heart specialist will see you in the morning. Then he finally came and shook his head and said nope your heart is totally fine, the EKG and sonar of the heart are perfect, they just could read the picture properly and he saw right away from the x-ray that I could not inhale deeply and that is what they thought was fluid. Then I was sent for an ultrasound and they saw nothing but my liver enzymes kept coming up wonky on the blood test (that started about 2 months ago, because when I had my blood taken for my check up the doctor saw that the enzyme was up but said it was nothing in an of its own). Then they sent me for another bigger ultrasound and found that my gallbladder was full of stones. So they sent me to the other hospital where these kinds of surgeries are performed. There I was put in a MRI machine and let me tell you, I have never had any problems with small spaces but that thing is horrible, it is so tight and you feel like an elephant trying to fit into a straw. Anywhoot that showed to my relief that none of the stones was stuck in the tubes which would have meant two surgeries for me and an unfill of my band. That was on Sunday and I just had my surgery yesterday, because my case wasn´t acute enough so I kept being put at the back of the list. They even tried twice to have me feed and see if it caused me pain, which it did, I ended up crying in my bed feeling like I was being tortured for no reason and swore I would not eat another meal until that thing was out of my body. Not that I had eaten much, I had been mostly on IV fluid since Saturday night and had nothing to eat on Saturday. So I am so happy to be home even if that means I am in serious pain right now, but that pain will go away. My surgery wasnt the easiest according to the call from the surgeon my bf got, since my gallbladder had chronic swelling and it doubled the time of the surgery.

So now begins a new experimental eating, because the bile that the gallbladder houses helps in the digestion of fat, and without one many people cant eat any fatty foods.

I googled gallstones and found that 1 out of 3 that has gastric bypass develops gallstones and has to have their bladder removed in the first year, I wonder if that is a figure that fits us bandsters. The reason for this happening for the bypass patients is because of less fat in the food according to the article I read.

Here are some pictures I took at the hospital where I was dying of boredom

I managed to get 3 different IV ports put up

 The first IV that was put in itched so much that they took it back out.

It was super creepy to watch these bubbles come down and go into your vain, I have seen too many movies where this happens and you quickly die

My thigh did not like morphine as much as I did, it freaking burns when it is injected, but it was my only way to be pain free for a while

my life in pics this last week

Lets start off by saying I am still swamped, and the next 4 weeks will be hard. I feel for my kid, he is like parentless these days. I have practical(lab work exercises) 3 times a week until October 18th. Then I will be done with all of that. I am enjoying it a bit, like yesterday I isolated DNA from a blood sample and next time we get to do that DNA picture thing where you can see the DNA (like how it is in the movies). I am also going to be going to the lab 3 times next week for hmmmm wonder what I should call this class, its like we are going to be cultivating bacteria and counting them and testing their resistance for a number of drugs.

Anywhoot, the new apartment is still upside down because we the grown ups don't really have any time to do anything. Like we still don't have proper lights in the rooms just the bulb. And I could go on like this for a while.

I am so thankful for my band. I have not been doing what I should, but it has kept me from piling on the pounds. I am using my measuring cup during dinner time. I eat a protein drink and an apple or a banana for breakfast but what I am screwing up is what I eat for lunch. I am not gaining but again I am not losing either. 

But onto the pictures since I really should be taking notes from organic chemistry and doing some reports.

Christmas is just round the corner and apparently the store agrees with me because this is what was there today

We took a walk on Sunday morning, the top picture is the view from my door and that is where we were going. The statues/art thingies are on our way back home. It was a nice way to start a long day of exam preparations.

My new welcome mat. It says "you again?" I freaking love love LOVE it.

 My kid is in love with his new room. We bought him a new(used) TV and a couch and his room is all set up for him and his friends to enjoy it. He was very proud to pay just under half of what the TV cost (so he paid about $95). I am a mean mommy who makes her kid work and sometimes pay for stuff he wants like a newish TV, cause he had a old tube TV that worked just fine.

 This is the view from my study, that white thing in the middle of the photo is Snæfellsjökull a glacier that Jules Verne says hides the entrance to the center of the earth. The picture does not capture how close it really is.

 The view from my study just more to the left and it is awesome when the sun goes down.

I need more time

like tons of more time. I just moved YAY! which is awesome but expensive since we seem to need a lot of stuff to make this flat work. Then there is school I am getting more and more behind and it is scaring me to bits.
My ass and thighs hate this new flat. It is a 2 floor place. It has 15 steps inside and today I have gone up and down at least 20 times, and it freaking hurts. But I love it, but then I don't.... very confusing.

Anywhoot still sorry bout not blogging more but I honestly don't have time or at least I don't think I do. I need to chill but there is no time for it. I swear I am going to develop an ulcer do to lack of time and way to much stuff to finish.

Miss you guys, I will dedicate some time on Wednesday night to go over my blogroll and see what you are up to. Until then I better keep my nose firmly fixed onto the ever enchanting pages or physicochemical prinicples of pharmacy cause I have another test in it on Wednesday.

ramblings of a mad mad woman

I have started moving, we are just using our station wagon to move some boxes and garbage bags of clothes at the moment, we are trying to avoid having to use a rental van. We plan on moving the big things at the end of next week.

I took one load over just now, it was nothing much, 4 bags of clothes and 1 box of glasses and stuff.
It was freaking hard I tell you. I went alone since my bf is in school and my teacher didn't show which meant I drove 20 minutes to school just to drive back home. Anywhoo the new flat is on the 4th floor (that's 3rd floor for you non Icelanders I believe) and the flat itself is on two floors so I had to carry those heavy bags first up to the flat and then up to our room, think that qualifies as a good cardio for sure.

I called my doctor again for some more info on the blood work that was taken. She is only a intern so I am a bit unsure if I should consult another doctor but I will at least send my surgeon an email. But anywhoot she told me the same thing her replacement said, yada yada yada B12 and D. But then she went on to tell me that my cholesterol has gone up since 2011, back then I was at about 5 and now it was about 6.3 and that most of that was the bad kind. She said not to worry since I don't smoke and I should just try to exercise since according to her researches have shown that changing your diet usually doesn't help with that. And then she said I had weird liver enzymes, they should be about 45 but mine are at 93, again she said not worry it is nothing in an on its own but I find this weird since I have never had anything like this happen before and I am a hypochondriac and that is not helping either hahahaha

I got a 100% on my first test in Physiochemical Principles of Pharmacy YAY for me. Next week we start our practical work in organic chemistry (not sure if that is what its called (practical),but we are at a lab doing experiments and doing reports on them and stuff), then we also start that same thing with two other courses one being biochemistry and the other is microbiology, I am kind of excited for this all but OMG will it be hard work or what.

So that was all the news I have for today, I don't have enough hours in a day for all that is happening lately.

Oh yeah and my new neighbors downstairs keep having these really heated arguments late at night so now I am even more happy about moving. Last night it was only about 30 minutes but the night before it was over 2 hours and our building is made of concrete and we still could here words and sentences they were saying.

Low on D and B12 vitamins

I just heard from the doctor. I apparently am low on D but very low on B12. So now I have to have B12 injections and buy myself a D vitamin mouth-spray because I really don't want to take any tablets. I have to call her back though since a replacement called me and he never said anything about the insulin and all that jazz. But I am just a tad bummed that I am low on anything.

blah

I forgot to put in my weight here last Thursday, but it was up half a kilo or a pound up. I should be super happy, we got the apartment now all we have to do is sign and we get the keys, that will most likely happen this week or early next week. Which means I´ll be moving this month.
School is on with a vengeance, I have a test on Wednesday and I am not ready for it because I was working all weekend. My last shifts till next summer.
TOM is here and is determined to ruin me. I am in pain and so uncomfortable all I want is to stay in bed and dream of cake but dreaming is hard when you have a splitting headache.
I need to start blogging again regularly that helped me tons, I am doing alright but I could be doing so much better.

weigh in and first day of school

Day of surgery: 127 kg or 280 pounds 
Today: 106.6 kg or 235.0 pounds
Loss last week: -0.7 kg or -1.5 pounds
Total loss: 20.4 kg or 45.0 pounds

I am OK with how things are going now that the bf is home. He is a great support and kinda keeps me in line food wise haha except for that ice cream I had last night (well we had to celebrate that they accepted our offer on the apartment and that all the data needed is now in the hands of the bank, I am trying to be super positive that they will say yes to our loan). 

My scale was all over the place this morning. I always step on it twice if the number is really low and this morning it was 106.5(233.7) and I thought that couldn't be right so I stepped on it again at least 5 times and got 3 different results so I am going with the middle one the highest it showed was 106.8 (235.5) so it is not like it is a huge difference.

Today is the first day of school and I am so not up to this. I wanna cuss a bit just for getting up this early. Had my clock set on 6:50 am and I woke up a bit before that. My lucky kid doesn't have to go to school until tomorrow morning but we have to stop by there today to get the schedule and stuff.

NSV x 3!

#1
I just bought myself a winter garment, think you call it a parka. It was in size 46 or 18. I didn't want to try and zip it up in the store since I thought it would not work so I bought it thinking in a month I would fit in it. But... once home I tried and its a tight squeeze but usable SO FREAKING HAPPY!
This is the parka I bought. It is from ZO-ON which is an Icelandic company and I have been dreaming about buying from them. And I could. I don't care that it was the biggest size they had. It was a freaking 46/18(should probably mention that my last parka was a size 54/26)

#2
And that made me try to button up my robe from work in a 46/18 and it too fit. It didn't 2 weeks ago.

#3
This all made my try out my pants in the same size UK 46/18. I could button and zip them! it is a very tight squeeze and I would never use them like this but I don't care, THEY FIT!!

So here I sit, at 9:30 am drinking a protein shake and having one slice of crispbread with cheese. And I so can not wait to take out those jeans and use the, can't believe I am down from 24/26 to 18! that is so awesome 

I also tried on my jeans in US 16 which apparently should be the same as a UK 18 according to some size chart I found online but I tell you that is not the case that is surely a UK 16 as well. I had this same problem while in Florida last year. I was prepared to buy US 22's since that is the same as UK 24's. But I bought 24 since 22 didn't fit at all. And freaky Wikipedia says that UK 18 would be the same as US 12 and hell no I am not buying that from my own experience.

weigh in

Day of surgery: 127 kg or 280 pounds 
Today: 107.3 kg or 236.5 pounds
Loss last two weeks: -0.1 kg or -0.2 pounds
Total loss: 19.7 kg or 43.4 pounds

Ok not gonna lie I am happy with this. It means even with all the stress that has been on me for the past weeks it has not done any damage to my weight.

My father in law is doing so much better. He is astounding doctors and they say there is a chance that he can leave ICU today or tomorrow if things keep up like they did yesterday. They also told us how lucky he was. He apparently was just think it was minutes from bleeding out. I feel so blessed today. My bf is home now and has seen his dad and we are going back there at noon. 

feeling utterly useless and super sad

Like I said in the last post shit keeps coming.

My father in law (well not in law but you get the meaning) had major surgery last night (due to sudden medical emergency), I had to tell my bf that his dad only had 50/50 chance of survival and it still makes me feel sick to my stomach. I feel so useless like I should be doing something but not knowing what. I picked up my mother in law and one of her daughters from the airport since they were in Sweden and now I am going to pick up my bf later today because the surgeon told me to tell him to come home so he jumped to the next ship coming to port.

Ugh I just don't know what to do or say. Trying not to stuff my face with things that will make me feel better for a while.

little to report

I saw my doctor on Monday (guess that was yesterday). He agreed with me on not putting any more in the band until after I am used to my schedule for the winter.

I am such a moody bandster these days. I am either happy or depressed. For some reason shit seems to come at me all at once and I only just get over one hurdle before the next one hits.

I am a brat!

Yup I had this idea that we should just take over the loans on this apartment we are renting and turn the dining room into another bedroom and knock out the wall between the kitchen and living room and have it a open space. That would save us about $25.000+. Because we would have to renovate it some but the cost of buying a newer place would be about $41-42.000. Ugh but my bf says no. Since it would mean a lot of work and I know we are both in school but this would mean we are financially safe for the next two years if he doesn't get a job next summer. So I am super bummed now that he said no. And now I am being a big baby and sulking like mad.

so stressing *updated*

It has been the most weird and stressful past days, so hoping it will  be soon over.

My son broke his foot on Monday night and we first thought that he might have sprained it but to me it didn't look that way. So on Tuesday I got off from work just before 4 pm and spent the next 6 hours at both the local clinic and then the ER. He was put in a cast and all that jazz. Anywho now I have to take him back to the ER because the cast is weird, when he stands up his toes turn real purple and he gets super pressure in them so apparently blood is going down but not up again which indicates its to tight somewhere. This is causing me stress. Because I am home alone and no-one is available to help, and I have to be at work at 10 pm no ifs or buts about it. It is now 7:20 am and we are heading down there hoping to be the first ones in and I am hoping it will be all over before 9:30 so I can drop him off at home and get to work on time.

Here's to hoping

Update:

So we saw another doctor today and he said that even though my sons foot is broken there is no need for a cast. So it was taken off and he is quite happy about that. I am a dictator and am not allowing him to use his foot if he can possible skip it.

Stress level decreased dramatically. But I woke up at 5 am with massive back pain, and have been awake since then, and for some reason the office at work forgot to man all the shifts today and I was alone working and until I came home today all I had eaten was 4 cartons of 250 ml protein shakes. I was starving and bought shit loads of unhealthy stuff. But it was placed in my cupboard. 

Sorry for being MIA

I have not been on here in a long while. I fell shit faced on my arse and have not done anything good.

I have tons of excuses like, humungous stress due to complications in the sale of our house, working all day and all weekends for a month straight plus extra shifts after 8 hour workday. But none of that is a good enough excuse to behaving like I have.

I have  been hiding to be honest. I am petrified I am going to screw everything up. I know as soon as school starts and my bf comes home things will change. But I am still scared and am for some weird reason not doing anything to appease it.

I have been feeling like a psycho, going from "yeah I am doing so good, I have lost 33% of my goal weight in 8 months" to "I am a huge failure and don't deserve any progress". That and I am beginning to see how awful my skin will be, since it is all wrinkly but I keep telling myself this is a slow process and I should be proud of what I have done and keep looking forward. But its just bloody hard.

I am going to start blogging again even though no one might still be reading but I need to be more accountable in this whole process. I need a support system that much is obvious.

I am seeing my surgeon on the 12th and am scared to tell him how bad I have been doing.

Yeah I am feeling quite down and not up to any longer confession than this at the moment. I also have to get ready for work, working till 10 pm tonight.

I am always on FB so I dont know if you are using that as well I am on there but not many know about my surgery so I have not friended any lapband groups that arent hidden. But yeah not sure if I should put my name on here but here it goes on FB search Íris Elva Jónsdóttir

Hopefully I´ll be in a better mood tomorrow for a more upbeat blog or at least a better food day.

Workout day 1 of 14

I did it!

I wanted to bail on this whole thing today. I started getting a headache today at work and I seriously didn´t want to go home and exercise, but I DID! even though it was not a long one. And it was worth it. My thighs got a tiny workout but they are happy and numb. I only did 21 min on the bike cause again I was well honestly just lazy and my headache is a good excuse. Then I did 20 squats and 3 different hand weight/lifting stuff just one round of each. Oooh and check out my nails lol love 'em

The calorie counter is the annoying one with out the strap since my watch is running super low on battery, but I am guessing the calories burnt are somewhere near 200-250.

I think I did OK food wise.
For breakfast I had a protein drink
Lunch was the lower bun of a burger and the burger meat (had no left overs from last night)
Dinner was half cup Lasagnette and one slice garlic bread
I also drank 1.5 L water or 67.6 ounces
But I was bad and had one chocolate bar after lunch (hate to admit it but I did)

new commitment

I am making a deal with myself. I am going to exercise everyday for 2 weeks and post the calorie counter number on here, starting tomorrow since I have no time today, funnily enough. I need to do more than I am doing. So on that note at least 20 minutes of exercise per day, does not matter whether it is walking, hiking or cycling.

On another subject, I am getting mentally ready for school in August. I am going to be doing loads of science stuff again and needed a new lab coat. As you can see my last one is a bit loose on me, and it was pretty tight last spring.

And another weirder subject. I feel like when I am looking in the mirror that I am not THAT big when I look straight on, but when I turn to the side my tummy sticks out and it bugs me a bit, since I know that is my problem area. What is your problem area if you have any. 

TTT

I was contemplating not doing TTT this week but I couldn´t stop thinking about it so here it is.

1. I love my scale, well at least the number it is showing.

2. I hate this summer, it has been the coldest since I can remember.

3. My son is growing up way to fast, I swear his face is changing like every 2 weeks or so, and he spends the evenings after he gets home flipping between cartoons and VH1/MTV.

4.  I am thinking about changing my facebook profile picture, I felt like a fool the other day cause I honestly for a short time felt kinda pretty/cute and snapped a photo and I am trying to be brave and put in online, so which one would you choose?

5. I am spending way too much time dreaming about another trip to Orlando. It has become an obsession and it is depressing to realize that we wont be going any time soon, like my son will probably be 16+ before we can go again sigh

6. Working sucks, I am working with nice people but this whole getting up and doing stuff sucks.

7.  My son broke his bike and I have to try and get it fixed but it is hard considering I am working during most shops opening times. Damn his jumping ways, but I should be lucky its just his bike that broke.

8. Watching Unique Sweets and cake shows on Food Network is not a good idea. I mean I am not really hungry rather my brain thinks it is hungry when watching them, too bad that making cakes is a hobby of mine

9. I will be gaining a kid on Sunday, my sons best friend from up north is coming for a visit. Having two 12 year old boys will be weird, and who knows, being at work wont suck so much then hahaha. No but really I am so glad they are keeping in touch, he is a really nice kid and unfortunately he has not made any other friends back there and I feel kind of responsible for him loosing his best friend.

10. I love LOVE caramel flavoured vodka, yumm yumm it is soooo good.


Gotta tell you how we pronounce mayonaise, well it is just like this "my own ass" just say it fast hahahahaha it is spelled mæjónes.

weigh in ( loving it )

Day of surgery: 127 kg or 280 pounds 
Today: 107.4 kg or 236.8 pounds
Loss last two weeks: -1.1 kg or -2.4 pounds
Total loss: 19.6 kg or 43.2 pounds

Loving this weight loss, I am still a scale whore and step on it morning and nights (always expecting some major drop for some odd reason). I am still not 100% at eating healthy all the time, I have found it hard this week to shop for food when I am not starving, I am working from 10 am to 6 pm and the stores dont open till 10 am so I am always hungry this week when shopping. But I have a plan. That is I am going to shop for dinner all next week and even make some of it on Sunday and Saturday, then I can just place it in the oven when home or nuke it. 

Anywhoots I am loving this, I am almost down to my lowest weight since I was 19 and that is 103.6 kg or 228.4 lbs. 

I want this scale

home sweet home

I drove home last night and arrived just past 1 am. I was exhausted, and the kid could barely keep his eyes open. It has been a hectic past days at this soccer tournament.

I am super proud of my "lil" boy. He was a goal keeper for all but one of the games and he was the top 4th goal keeper of his group (they place them into these categories ranging from group A to F, in his group F there were two sub groups F(A) and F(B) and he was in the first and each group had 8 teams), so yeah basically he was 4th out of 16 and he doesn't even train to be a goal keeper but that might be changing because he is a natural at it.

His team placed 3rd in the F(A) and 5th in the combined groups.

Ugh I wanted to punch one mother that was cheering her sons team on. She placed herself next to my sons goal and yelled obscene remarks at him (she even followed him when he changed goals in the second half of the game), like "your team doesn't play soccer rather rugby" and so on, my son didn't want to relay all that she said he just said she said some nasty stuff,  which is actually funny because her sons team was like really hard and kept knocking our boys down, and she even yelled at her own son and told him to hurt them as he could. Like what kind of a mother are you?

There was no weigh in on Thursday since I was up north but I got on the scale this morning and it was a loss so I´m happy with that.

And now I am going to drown you in my super proud soccer mom pictures.

My son is nr 9 (the one with the beanie), his only game not as a goal keeper

 Excited to start

Chilling in between games

 We did not get good weather, it was cold an kept raining it was below 50 the whole time

 He kept yelling at the boys and it seemed to do the trick

 one pic of me, I really didn't feel like a huge disgusting fat
blob, guess my head is getting fixed as well as the weight

 My lil cutie pie (don't tell him I said that)

 celebration

 what team is the best?     FJÖLNIR!

 poor lads had loads of pictures taken

 why can he never give me a serious smile when asked "sigh"

 yeah didn't get better hahaha

 celebrating after placing in 5th place out of 16

 our team turned into the poncho gang since almost all parents bought the same kind of poncho to keep them warm between games and on the sidelines.

 they put on their game face to play for the 3rd place in their subcategory

 

yup that is 37 °F or 3°C and a snow flake that rang true becase I drove through snow on the way home

  ITS JULY FOR HECK'S SAKE! AAARRG