weigh in Tuesday, two days late

Day of surgery: 127 kg or 280 pounds 
Today: 116.1 kg or 255.96 pounds
Weight change this week: + 0.2 kg or + 0.44 pounds
Total loss: 10.9 kg or 24.03 pounds
Lowest weight was 231 pounds before the un-fill in October

I forgot to post this on Tuesday but here it is. I am not surprised I stayed pretty much the same weight since TOM came for a visit and I have not gone to the gym since I have been trying to get rid of a horrid cold. 

Well I am going to bed, I have spent 8 hours today battling epidemiology questions for an exam next week, (who takes a midterm quiz from the whole freaking book? my teacher thats who). 

weigh in

Day of surgery: 127 kg or 280 pounds 
Today: 115.9 kg or 255.5 pounds
Loss this week: -1.1 kg or -2.4 pounds
Total loss: 11.1 kg or 24.5 pounds
Lowest weight was 231 pounds before the un-fill in October

Well I better get to school, got to do a lecture on Erin Brockovich (the movie), have no idea how that has to do with 3rd year of Bachelors degree in science but I just do what I´m told.

Catch ya later

Sore muscles

I am hurting today, ouch. But in a good way. Guess I some of the workout yesterday was fine. I will be having a weigh in on Tuesday since that is the day of my last "first" fill.

Onto other things, we are a wacko family. We just bought tickets to Bergen Norway for Christmas. My bf´s sister lives near there and we were joking that if we found flights for us both ways under $500 that we would book it. Well... I found it and we booked it. Then I called my "sister in law" and asked what she was doing at 3pm on December 20th, she was like hmm I will be at the airport to send my kid to Iceland and I said "brilliant, then you can pick us up while your at it". The reaction was nice, we have spent Christmas with them for so many years that I cant imagine not doing it this year as well. Besides we knew we would be super welcome that is why we booked it before we told them.

Now I just have to wait for Christmas well only 94 days to go! December 24th will be here before I know it and that is also why I bought the first presents today.

1st day at the gym

I couldn't resist to buy a new membership at 50% off and it last out this year. I bought one for me and one for the bf. And we went today, not that he needs it. He irritates me when he starts talking about how fat he has become, he is only 172 pounds and 5"7 so shut up lol. But he is supportive and that is what counts the most. I am going to try to go to the gym 4 times but this next week will be lucky if I can manage 2 times. I have lab work at college 3 days in a row which is quite a lot but after the next two weeks I am able to go at least 4 times per week. I have chosen three times a week as my minimum and that should be so doable. I am also going to pay for a session with a physiotherapist and have him/her make a program for me, hoping to get my shoulder back to semi normal and my. Well that is all for today, going to go shopping with the bf and maybe the kid and then I am going to make Chile con carne mmmmmm so good.

only 3 days but I feel some difference

Its Friday and I have lost 2.2 pounds since Tuesday, I am fully aware that it is water weight but I dont care. I do feel a difference after the fill. Most importantly I feel a mental difference in the way I eat and how much I put on my plate. I am only at 4 ml and I am far from the green zone but knowing that my band is filled a bit is helping me mentally to not gorge on food like I used to, because honestly who wants to get stuck.

I just booked our rental car for Orlando next May. This rental business has taken forever to decide. I ended up using my Jetblue code and rent through Hertz, now lets hope that they give us a 4 door not a 2 door car haha.

I am done for today, going to watch House hunters international and then cook and do my essay on the use of medicinal larvae/maggots for wound treatment.

A great blogger lady just had her revision to VSG today and I am so happy for her, as it has been quite a struggle. Cant wait to hear how it went, keeping her in my prayers and thoughts.

ouch I had a fill

So I went for a fill today, I was scared. My port flipped last year when a X-ray doctor did a fill for me and now my port lies like 45° to the right, and that means a fill not done under an X-ray is bad bad bad. Anywhoot, my surgeon said that I still had 1 ml in my 10 ml band. Which is odd because the amazing X-ray doctor I got last time kept trying to empty it and he didnt get anything more out of it and the figure he told me fit to a tee. Well my surgeon put 3 ml in now so that means I am up to 4 ml. He agrees with me that this whole gallbladder business is beyond ridiculous and hopes it is over now. I am so glad he didn't scold me for gaining this last year.

We sat and looked at my X-rays to try and figure out why my band has been grumpy since I had trouble getting fills ever since my gallbladder removal surgery last october. I have started to think that if this band does not start working like it should, then maybe I should think about the sleeve. My surgeon has moved to Iceland and will start doing them here but I do not want to have to do that. I love my band but I do not love it when it wont allow more than 4-5 ml in it and that amount is not working for me, I was almost at the perfect green zone when I had 6.9 ml in it last fall.

How long do you wait between fills? I am not used to him being here every week so I am not sure how long I should wait. I think I am going to give this fill at least 2-3 weeks before I start contemplating getting another one.

Green zone beware. I am coming for you

Leaving a tough summer behind me

I am going for a fill on Tuesday. I currently have nothing in my band since it was unfilled for the 3rd or 4th time in less than a year in June, and I have had 3 ERCP´s this summer the last two were just one week between them. I am so hoping this whole gallstone problem is behind me but I am just not able to fully believe it.

I am planning on losing about 36 pounds in the next 8 months as I want to be in the two figure weights when I go to Orlando in May. Yes I have booked our trip, we are going May 19th and flying back home on June 4th. I also booked a house with a private swimming pool for us in a gated community, and I think it is utterly ridiculous that it is cheaper for us to rent a villa than to stay in a hotel.

Back to the fill. I am kind of scared to go, my surgeon is the one doing the fill and I am afraid to tell him that since this whole gallbladder and continuing gallstone problem has seen me gain just about 22 pounds since last October, I know I have been unfilled for most of that time but it is still annoying and disappointing to have gained weight.

Here are a few quotes that hit home.

got another ERCP surgery date set

I have not blogged in a long time, I have been working 9-10 hours a day every day, cant wait for the next two weeks to pass so that I can have some off time before school starts.

I have another ERCP procedure set for August 11th. Hoping this one works, the shunt the surgeon put in last time has worked fine but I want this to be over and done with. I had such a bad infection after the IV last time that it took me about 2 weeks to be able to move my wrist again. I just want to be stone free, it is infuriating to not have a gallbladder and still having bad gallstone problems because they didnt take them all in the gallbladder removal surgery.

I miss my band, I miss having fluid in it. I miss the added help it provided. I am so not doing fine food wise these days. I am actually kind of depressed at the weight that keeps slowly creeping back on. I was half way there and now I am not ugh I am honestly teary eyed just writing this. I want this over so I can start putting some liquid in so I can start getting back on track, sounds bad but I dont think I can loose this weight without my band

This is getting ridiculous

I took two of the antibiotics I was prescribed yesterday, when I woke up this morning I was covered in red patches and they itch like hell. Went to the clinic again and was told I might have developed penicillin allergy!! like what the what. So I got another prescription and lets hope this stuff works cause I do not want to go to work looking like this. I seriously resemble a albino giraffe.

got an infection

Ok not only did the ERCP not get rid of any stones yesterday but I got this acute vein infection think he called it vasculitis or cellulitis not so sure. Got this after the IV from my lap band surgery in 2012 so I knew what was going on but this progressed so much faster than last time. The look of the poor MD when I showed him what was going on. He put me on massively strong antibiotics and I will be on them for the next 10 days. The picture doesn´t show how far up my arm it has gotten, basically it is just below the elbow and it is sooo annoying cause it hurts and I cant use my hand, just driving to the clinic was painful cause I drive a stick shift car and well it plainly just hurts, can not even make a fist so I am kinda glad I got that extra day off from work. Hoping I will be all better on Monday and lets all pray that I wont have any stone attacks while I wait for the next ERCP.

Surgery was not successful :(

Had my surgery/procedure today. It did not go as planned as he could not remove the stones, he saw them but they were just unusually stuck. So the doc put in a tube/shunt thing that will help the bile flow trough and hopefully not case me any more attacks. The bad news is that I have to do this all over again in about 6 weeks. I am feeling a lot defeated and hopeless and knowing that I can not have anything put in my band until this whole mess is over is getting me down as well.

Got a surgery date!

So happy and relived. I got a call yesterday from the ER doc I saw when I was there two weeks ago. He found a doctor for me that is going to do a ERCP surgery on Thursday and he is going to be using a shadow liquid stuff to help with finding any extra stones that are there. So hopefully after lunch on Thursday I will be stone free and wont have to go through this crap for the 4th time. I am hoping that I wont have any stone attacks until then but I know that it might not go that way, these last two weeks I have only had 1-2 days between attacks and today is day 3 since my last one.

Hoping this blog will start to revolve around me losing the pounds again.

waiting sucks

I am still waiting for the surgical department to call me and fix this gallstone mess. But I have a feeling I will have to wait a long time. Firstly its summer and that means that the already short staffed hospital is under even more stress. I still have 6 painkillers so I can survive 6 more episodes before I will have to go to the ER again.

I am still in the dark as to what procedure I will have, the ER doc told me last weekend that he thought they would do the ERCP again and try and get as many stones as they can. But I dont want that I want ALL of them out. I do not want to have this happening again and again until they get them all. I think it must be less expensive for the health system to have them remove them all instead of me going to the ER again and again for the same problem.

Anyways I am not gaining at the moment and am hoping to keep it that way.

3rd unfill in 7 months :(

I´m having my 3rd unfill on Thursday. This time it is due to my darned gallstones that are still bothering me. I have been having these episode/attacks pretty frequently since the end of April. I spent the weekend at the ER and am now just waiting for the surgical department to call me so I can have the rest of them removed. I am pretty depressed that for the last 7 months I have not had anything in my band and that I have gained just under 18 pounds. This instance I am having a episode and took some morphine that I got from the ER and it has numbed the pain but it is not completely gone. I am petrified to eat anything now, my liver is in shambles and all the enzymes are a mess but at least I have not yet developed jaundice like the last time. 

Sorry about this blog having turned to a whiny blog instead of a successful positive story.  

Kids are expensive

Well it finally happened. My son needs braces and possibly something else, that will cost us about $7000. I asked if it would be alright if we didnt start till next year due to the fact that we rely on student loans and the tiny amount my boyfriend makes during the summer to tide us over during the school semesters, and thankfully she said yes that would be alright but I think I will see if we cant start this in the fall maybe we will have enough money for this and Orlando who knows I might win the lottery.  All my son said was oh no the conformation pictures hahahaha he doesn't want to have braces on those. 

Had another stupid gallstone episode yesterday ironically not long after posting my last post. I am soooo mad that the surgeon didn't just remove them all. 

love summer

It is so bright now, I have yet to stay up 24 hours but I do think you can now read a book outdoors 24/7. Gym starts tomorrow. Kinda scared and excited at the same time.

I have been having some issues with those bleeping gallstones, those that they left in there, I had a episode last weekend and since this Friday I have been having this slight achy feeling that threatens another episode. I just wish they had removed them all and that I didnt have this hanging over me constantly.

My band is still almost empty. I have yet to add any more to it. I think I might this week and I will be getting the fill at the clinic even though it is way more expensive just so that we can be sure that the band is not too tight. But maybe I should wait since the band has been messing with me and I just checked and the last fill was just 3 weeks ago (guess I am still not very patient).

I passed all my finals, I am super excited but I must admit I would have wanted slightly higher grades but I´ll just have to step it up next year.

I am done!

YAY school is out till August, so now I can start drowning myself in work again. No no I wont, I dont think I could make another summer where I would work every single day from June till August.

My weight is slowly creeping up, I am still checking my portions and now that I am working I only eat 4-5 times a day. I am starting the gym this Saturday, I am working a lot this week and next week I will be able to go to the gym every day so that will be good, but the last week in May I am working from 8am - 6pm so I am not really sure where I can squeeze a workout in, I might just take some of my lunch time and walk a bit or use my stationary bike at home.

Orlando seems like it will be coming true. Since I passed all my finals, I have some leftover $ from the student loans and that is going towards the trip and I am hoping to be able to save about $1800 this summer and then with the tax return we get in August we should be fine to go. It literally will cost about $8800 to take this trip might even be more but hey my kid is only confirmed once. This is a lot of money and it would not be so expensive if I didnt live on an island in the middle of nowhere where they charge you obscene amount just to get off it. Just the flights would be somewhere between $2400-2900 and the house would be about the same. And renting a house is not that much more expensive than staying at a hotel and I dont think we want to stay at a hotel for 16 days.

Well better get off to work got loads of painkillers in my bag and am taking a whole shoe collection with me so I can change shoes ever so often.

Skittles flavored painkillers

when I graduate and will be able to call myself a pharmacist, I am going to develop medicine that taste like freaking skittles! I am having back troubles today and yesterday and that is so not helping me with my final cram session for a final in organic chemistry, so I have had to take some druggies and they taste baaaad! In my dreams I will be able to make all medicine taste like oh so yummy skittles and who knows I might throw in a star-burst flavor or two. So it will be in all of your best interest that I graduate soon hahahaha


tootles going to TRY and glue information on Wittig on my brain, not sure there is room in there for him, Robinson, Cannizzaro and decarboxylation might be taking up the last Mb's, guess I might need that defrag right about now.

And just in case I got a backup plan

something is wrong with my band

Well that did not go as planned. I went for a fill and x-ray and had the best technician IMO, well he is apparently a x-ray doctor. He got in the port in like one jab I was seriously impressed (have been to him twice before and he rocks).
Anywhooot, I proceeded to give me 4,5 cc as planned then had me drink that nasty contrast fluid. Well lo and behold it didnt go down in 3 pushes, not even 10, more like 5 minutes and billion pushes.
So he took out 1,4cc and then everything went down in one go, again not ideal but I was not going to put any more in there since I am starting finals tomorrow and he agreed that I should take it super slow because after my last unfill in October they were able to put 4,5cc in it in one go.
So now I am quit lost  and not sure what is going on. He said it didnt look like I had a slipped band and if I did it would be minor and he like my surgeon said that ERCP cant damage the band so I am even more lost. Seems like my band just doesnt like me and I am not happy at all.

Update: My surgeon emailed me and said my band looks great and everything is in order. I emailed him back asking if he had any ideas as to what might be the cause of me handling smaller and smaller fills. He basically said I should just give it time and wait. WAIT! I am the most impatient person I know but I will give it a try. Stupid gallbladder messing with my progress. I totally blame this all on my former gallbladder may it rest in pieces. 

procrastinating

I am so so so procrastinating this whole exam thing. 

Thinking of changing my fb profile pic, but not sure if I should lol I am such a chicken. Maybe I should just get back to studying hahaha 

fill and X-ray on Monday

Got a call this morning from the clinic saying my doc had made an appointment for me for a fill. I knew I was going for an X-ray to see if anything is wrong but wasnt sure about a fill so I sent him an email. He said he wants to put 4.5ml(cc) in and the technician will record the shadow liquid thingy going down and take pictures and send him it. He seems certain that nothing is wrong that this is just some freaky one off but I am not sure. I am also kind of scared having a fill there again, since last time I went there it took 40 minutes and six jabs and the technician flipped my port so no it can only be accessed by a 45° angle, which is so not as easy as it was before.

Will probably not blog anything until after the fill, I am swamped in prepping for finals, my first one is on Tuesday and its biochemistry and man oh man it has so much stuff to remember and it only gives me 6 credits while the one on Friday is introduction to pharmaceutical chemical analysis and that one is easier but gives me 8 credits "sigh" who makes these decisions.

Have an awesome stress free weekend for me

First day of summer

it is officially the first day of summer. Unfortunately the weather doesnt seem to know it. I long for warm weather and I so so so hope that we can go to Florida May next year. 

Weigh in Tuesday

Day of surgery: 127 kg or 280 pounds 
Today: 111.6 kg or 246.0 pounds
Gain last week: +0.6 kg or +1.3 pounds
Total loss: 15.4 kg or 34 pounds
Lowest weight was 231 pounds before the un-fill in October

Well that was a gain. But I am determined not to gain more until I get some news about what is happening with my band. 

I keep having these bad scenarios running through my mind like, the band has started to erode, or that it has a bad slip or something on those lines, but I have been doing things by the book so those things shouldnt happen right? well only time will tell. I am supposed to send him an email next week to get an appointment for an X-ray.  Not really sure what is going to happen, I don´t think I want anything put into the band until he has looked at the x-rays himself, I don´t trust the technicians here to tell me if my band is aligned right or not. 

Soooo yeah, I am swamped with prepping for finals which begin a week from now and two weeks from now I will be done. I will be doing my damned hardest to not give into temptation. I don´t want anymore gain I was half way there darn it before that blasted gallbladder made all this crap happen, pardon my french. 

Gleðilega páska (happy easter)

I am going to study until noon (that gives me one hour) then I am going to enjoy the day with my family and enjoy cooking for 11 people. 

Hope you have a fantastic Easter with your loved ones 

Gleðilega páska (happy easter) 

Feeling way better

I am feeling so much better after that whole too tight episode. I am also I have to admit quite confused. I just cant find a reason for my band to behave that way. I am not loving having anything in it but at least I can have some nourishment. I am trying to behave and have only had my half cup of food each time. This however means I am constantly hungry but I dont want to start eating too large of a meal and start gaining any weight.

I am so scared that something is wrong with my band and it wont work properly again. I have no idea what I would do if that is the case. I just need to not think about it for a while (well try not to think about it).

I am still so nauseous, I am taking two ranitidine based tablets a day or Zantac if you are familiar with that name. I am also having AB-milk thats sour milk (thick buttermilk or clabber) with lactobacillus acidophilus and bifidobacterium bifidum bacteria that is super good for your stomach and intestine.

Easter are upon us. My sick sick SICK head started whispering bad things in my ear as soon as I started feeling better after that un-fill. "now you don´t have to share an easter egg", " you can eat it all yourself and the bf can just buy his own" et cetera. But since I am a stubborn, I refuse to listen to that head and I AM sharing my easter egg and therefore only getting a hell of a lot less chocolate than if I went and bought the egg I am used to eating.

Well I guess I really should stick my nose back into the study books, only 10 days till my first final and 16 days till my last and 17 days till I start working. WHY did I say yes to start working the day after finals?? I really have to start saying no sometimes, but I will get more money so its all good. We are so determined to take the kid to Florida next May for his confirmation gift. My gosh my kid is getting confirmed in a years time holy moly.

Total unfill again!

Well my surgeon called me just after 7:30 am this morning and had me come over to the house he is staying at. There he first tried to take just 1cc but that was not enough I started sliming like mad and had to run to the bathroom. So he decided to do a total un-fill and I agreed, he has me on antacid tablets for 10 days and then wants me to get an x-ray to try and see what is going on. I am so scared that the surgeon that did my ERCP damaged the band in some way. But right now I am just relived and am thinking of taking a tiny nap since I didnt sleep at all last night. And yeah this un-fill totally ruined my long sleeve T-shirt

Hope your week has been better than mine :)

beginning to panic

I have yet to hear from my doctor. It is 3:30 am here and I can not fall asleep, I am hungry but worse I am nauseous. I am clinging to the hope that my doctor is still in the country so he can help me if not I am seriously screwed since the office that does fills and un-fills is closed till Tuesday.
I swear I feel like there is something stuck in my throat but not sure what that could be, most likely just a feeling but that, the pains I get when trying to drink plus my nausea is scaring the living daylights out of me.

All I can do is keep praying

I want to cry

I am so frustrated, I am clearly blocked and I can get nothing down well if you count the micro sips I take in then I guess I can get something in but since yesterday I have only gotten in like 300 cc thats just 10 oz and these micro sips dont go down that easy and give me slight chest burn. I have sent my doctor an email and private message on fb, I am hoping he has not returned to the UK because if so then I am fucked since everything is closed here until Tuesday and I will be severely cranky from discomfort and pain and lets not mention how hungry I am.

So I will just keep praying that something can be done soon. This is the second time I have regretted having my band, guess thats not that bad considering the other time was on day to post op when I had infection and all that. This band of mine is seriously bipolar. I have had 6.5 cc in it and wanted more because it was not giving me enough restriction and now 6 months later I am finally back to 6.4 cc and it has shut down business all together ARG I truly want to cry.

a fill and not a good one

So I went for a fill today, was stoked that he wanted to put 0.5 in it bringing my total to 6.4 (I was 6.5cc in october last year when I had the total unfill). I sat outside his office sipping water and thought well this might be tiny bit to tight, but then the water went down easy when I took smaller sips. Fast forward 3 hours later and I am in not quite pain but severe discomfort trying to swallow a thin protein drink (the consistency of milk). So now I am debating weather I should wait till tomorrow (its 8 pm) to send him an email asking for a slight unfill or if I should just do it right now.

1.5 pounds gone yay and a fill tomorrow

Day of surgery: 127 kg or 280 pounds 
Today: 111.0 kg or 244.7 pounds
Gain last week: -0.7 kg or -1.5 pounds
Total loss: 16.0 kg or 35.3 pounds
Lowest weight was 231 pounds before the un-fill in October

Pretty happy with this loss. Now I am going to pig out HA! well I will try and keep in line, but as soon as I press publish I am heading downstairs to bake at least one cake and will be having cakes and a massive BBQ tonight because today is my bf´s birthday AND my stepdads(and his sisters and brothers yup my dad is a triplet) and my friends and also this BBQ will serve as a final hoorah for my bf´s sisters husband because the lucky bastard is moving to Norway this weekend and my bf´s sister and kids will move this summer ( JEG VIL FLYTTES OGSÅ lol thats "I wanna move too" in Norwegian). 

Well I´ll be here after my fill tomorrow. I have a Q for the doc and it is a funny one. Why do I feel like liquids are getting stuck but solid food goes down easy peasy without any problem? I´m guessing its causer I might be taking to big of a sip but any way I want to know hahahaha

too good to be true

I am super bummed to say I am allergic or more like it intolerant to that healthy ice-cream. I hadn´t eaten it all when I blogged my delight of finding it. Well later on I got so extremely sick in the stomach and I actually had to take one of my precious stash of anti nausea tablets.

Fast forward 2 days, and stubborn me got it in her mind that it wasn't the ice-cream that had me that way more like I was just getting sick or something so I bought another one and even though it was not so bad that I was forced to take another anti nausea tablet but boy oh boy was I sick. So no more yummy guilt free ice-cream for me boo hoo hoo

RIP yummy guilt free dessert

Guilt free ice cream

I am in heaven right now. This is soooo good. I found this ice cream in the store, it is whey based and it has 22 grams protein and 187.5 kcal per can and it is about half a cup in size and NO sugar, well it has some xylitol but I dont really care. We bought one of each flavor just to see how it was, we were thinking this would be awefule like most healthy stuff hahahaha. Chocolate and strawberry is just freaking awesome. This is my new go to dessert

weigh in Tuesday

Day of surgery: 127 kg or 280 pounds 
Today: 111.7 kg or 246.2 pounds
Gain last week: +0.1 kg or +0.2 pounds
Total loss: 15.3 kg or 33.2 pounds
Lowest weight was 231 pounds before the un-fill in October

Ugh this is so irritating, the lowest I have seen was 101.4 kg (223.5pounds) OK maybe that is not fair since I only got there by being on a IV for close to two weeks but OK then the lowest weight I have maintained while eating was 105 kg (231 pounds) and then this stupid un-fill happened and I gained. I am mortified sometimes that I have not done better. Seeing so many having lost 50-100 pounds on the first year ( I lost 48 pounds not counting that IV weight) then I was unfilled just before my 1st bandiversary and now I kinda feel like I am at square one again. 

Going for another fill when the doc comes back to Iceland cause even though this one is giving me some restriction I am starving every 3 hours (only eat a half cup of food at a time, always have my handy cup there haha). I am so NOT going to gain any more weight, this 0.2  pound gain is bothering me tremendously even though I know Saturday I was 0.8 pounds lighter than today.

Ugh sorry bout this blog, it has become a whiners paradise I think hahaha I sometimes feel like I´m bipolar cause I get super positive about this weight journey and other times I think it stinks. But I WILL lose this weight thats that.

internet and self diagnosis

So not sure if you remember but early in January I took a trip to my "in laws" and while loading the car I tried to swing my super heavy school bag onto my back and my left shoulder protested furiously. Well fast forward to April, I am still super sore in it, I can not really use my arm that much, I can hardly grab my seat belt to fasten it since that motion gives me pain, I also wake up a lot to readjust myself cause my favorite sleeping position is having my left arm under my head and that is freaking painful. I am always postponing going to the doctor but guess I really should go have it checked out since I guess it is not fixing it self cause it has been 3 whole months since it happend. I think I might have torn something in my shoulder and this is what I found when I googled the symptoms.


Injuries to the tissue rim surrounding the shoulder socket can occur from acute trauma or repetitive shoulder motion. Examples of traumatic injury include:

• Falling on an outstretched arm
• A direct blow to the shoulder
• A sudden pull, such as when trying to lift a heavy object CHECK
• A violent overhead reach, such as when trying to stop a fall or slide

The symptoms of a tear in the shoulder socket rim are very similar to those of other shoulder injuries. Symptoms include

• Pain, usually with overhead activities CHECK
• Catching, locking, popping, or grinding
• Occasional night pain or pain with daily activities CHECK CHECK CHECK
• A sense of instability in the shoulder CHECK
• Decreased range of motion CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK
• Loss of strength
  
   This should be my motto hahahaha
  
  
  

no gym today

I was going to go outside for a walk instead but then it started raining and I hate walking in the rain, so then I decided I was gonna use my stationary bike but no then I got a migraine accompanied with nausea so I am skipping everything today, not going to the movies with my kid, not studying or anything I need/want to be doing. Taking an extra dose of painkillers and hoping this will go away. I suck at determining if I am about to have a migraine or just a bad headache but I get light sensitive when I have migraines and sometimes nauseated like today. Stupid migraine running in families, even my son landed in hospital when he was like 4 or 5 years old because we thought he had meningitis but it turned out to be a migraine episode, his one and only so far, really hope he wont have any more.  Well thats all the update from me today, going to lie down now and hope this will be over with soon.

I jogged!

for a minute and then the klutz I am I actually somehow hit the emergency stop button and boy was I surprised when the treadmill suddenly stopped, I almost fell over ahaha well someone must have had a chuckle today courtesy of me but I don't mind cause I jogged (a minute must count).

I was in no mood to go, I went after school and it was noon when I arrived and I was sure there were tons of people, there werent tons but our combined weight might have been. I like this gym and I am sticking with it. But I have yet to graduate to showering there so instead I drive home sweating my ass of and use my own shower, I am not a fan of prison style showers.

weigh in Tuesday, new goal and a trip to the gym

Well that is a long title isn't it. Lets do this in order then lol

I weighed 111.6 kg (246 pounds) this morning, that means that since last Tuesday I have lost 1.4 kg (3.1pounds), it also means I am still 6.6 kg (14.5 pounds) heavier than I was in october when I was unfilled. I decided that it might be better to have the weigh ins closer to Monday to try and keep me in check haha cause I at least am less likely to eat rubbish right before weigh ins so I am going to do them every Tuesday from now on.

My bf challenged me to make the two digits before June 1st. and thats 1.46 kg (3.2 pounds) per week starting from today. I am realistic so I am not optimistic but I will do my darned hardest to get as close to it as I can. I have also made a promise to myself that even if I wont make it then I will still be glad for each kg/pound that I lose and not mope around and stuff my face with candy "cause I messed it all up again".

I went to the gym this morning, I nearly pooped my pants walking in there, I was so afraid to look up and in the end it was a great day there, I was by no means the largest nor the smallest but the vibe was good. I spent 20 min on the treadmill and then did some light weight training and it only took 51 minutes in total I was super pleased, and I burnt 578 kcal so that is a good beginning. I will buy a membership thingy there next week when my free week is over, am also going to make an appointment with a trainer/physiotherapist and have him/her set up a program for me. They have this awesome key system and you just plug your key into the machine and it tells you what you should be doing now and it saves all your data so you can see how much you did last week and how far you have come.

closer to the green zone

I am so glad that I managed to go for a fill, last week. Tomorrow it will be a week since I went and I have lost about 2 pounds. I know this is not the green zone but it has brought me closer for sure, and I am having to be careful with my food now, I apparently had become super sloppy and been stuffing it in, and now I have to remind myself to slow down and take smaller bites. This last week I have had two tiny stuck episodes and that is all my fault for not paying attention. I am increasing my water intake and have not had a drink with my meals since the fill because I could feel that it would not end well (I had been drinking with my food ever since having that un-fill). I feel like now things will start happening again. I am going to the gym tomorrow and I am petrified and even though I know that this particular gym is focused on obese people and was opened by people that work with the gastric bypass patients here.

Sundays

Went to bed at 2 am and was up before 8 am (studying what else haha), decided to do some light exercise and did 30 minutes on the bike,  took it slow (anyways according to my biology class you burn the most fat if you stay below 70% of your max heart rate) only did 8.8 miles and then did some light weight lifting, trying to get my shoulder better, it is crappy and has been since January, think I am going to try get an appointment with an orthopaedic doctor and see if I cant get an update on my wonky back and see if he can figure out this unexplained chronic lumbar pain I have had since childhood, I honestly want to see if a proper doc can tell me whats wrong cause I am not wanting to accept unexplained any longer. I am sick and tired of constantly being in pain and having to just pop painkillers to try and ease it which is not always the case. So hopefully I get some diagnosis and that can get my back in order and maybe see whats up with that shoulder whilst Im at it.

I am invited for dinner at my "sister in laws" house tonight. It will be nice to get some break from all the lab reports and exam prep. She is moving to Norway this summer and I am super excited for her and I cant wait till I can move as well (gotta get my degree/licence first).

Saturdays are the hardest

One of the hardest things about living in Iceland for a food addict like myself are Saturdays. It is generally called candyday and from a young age almost everyone eats tons of candy on Saturdays. Now I am trying to detox but I did not do a good job today, I went to the store to buy candy for my bf as he is working on board a ship and will be stuck at the docks until monday so I totally bought chocolate for myself and now I am like almost in tears with disappointment at myself. Why is this so hard, I finally have some restriction which is totally helping with the food but stupid chocolate melts and goes down super easy and I am a weak person at the moment, and trying to break a 32 year old tradition is hard.

Sorry bout the whiny post, just needed to vent. I sometimes wish I had someone I could call when I am having these cravings and just talk it away but just so happens I dont and the people around me have no idea how hard this really is. I could blame this all on stress but that just isnt completely true, of course it doesnt help but the stress doesnt go to the store and buy chocolate, I do. This is totally a first world problem and I sometimes feel embarrassed that this is my greatest problem in life and that it is not lack of food that makes me cry but the abundance I ingest .

YAY finally got a fill

I got a fill today and even though I am super happy about it I am still disappointed because I had hoped to be at 6.5cc but 5.9cc is better than 5.4cc´s. And he will be here again next month so I am getting closer to a good fill.

I had my first real stuck moment on Sunday. Did not enjoy it I can tell you. I took a bite of my sons birthday cake and for some super weird reason it got stuck. Never again do I want that to happen, thankfully it didn't come back up but it was rather uncomfortable and slightly painful at the same time.

So now lets hope this fill helps me stay fuller for longer cause I don´t want to keep gaining weight, especially since I was so close to the two digit weights (kilos). I hope I hit that eluding green zone soon.

still here, just super busy

I have felt these past weeks that I have not had a moments rest but it will all be worth it in the end (or so I keep telling myself). I have an appointment for a fill on Monday 24th and hopefully the weather will be good cause it is a 40 min drive over to the town where he does them and my appointment is at 11:20 am and I am supposed to be at the lab at 1 pm so it will be a bit tight but I´ll manage.

I am drowning in reports I have to make, I have 4 to hand in tomorrow then in the next two weeks I have a total of 7 other to do. I am joining a gym on the 26th and I cant wait, I am having these almost depressing panic attacks about this weight that has crept on me. I have gained about 15 pounds since my gallbladder removal and un-fill. I hope he can get me at least back to 6.5 (what I was before the un-fill) since the 5.4 I have in it now does nothing for me. To add to my current stress due to school and gaining and all that, the Uni teachers are going to vote about a strike in the end of this month and if they go on strike that will be during our finals so I would be in a bind regards to student loans and the bank, but I am trying to think positive.

I swear I am  feeling the age creep in, my b-day was on Friday and I did nothing, literally nothing, well nothing special that is. I went shopping for my son because he needs new shoes and pants, it just made me feel older hahaha he has alway only worn comfy gym pants but now he wanted skinny jeans like super skinny and well we are still on the hunt for shoes, cause he apparently has grown a very definite taste so now I cant even try to persuade him to try something different, he just has to find black shoes with red soles, and well now that he is no longer a kid a pair of shoes will cost me at least $150 "sigh" sometimes it sucks to live in Iceland.

swimming

I think I might have to go swimming. My shoulder is giving me grief now, I broke it when I was a kid and it has always been a bit weak but in January I was swinging a way to heavy school bag onto my back and something went a bit off. Since then it has been getting worse and now I can hardly use my left arm. I am thinking swimming might be a good option to try and fix it since I cant afford a physical therapist right now ( need one for my back too) so this could be the least expensive way to do it. Right now I am in my lazy boy enjoying a hot bag thing on it (not sure of the english word for it) and it has this fuzzy outer layer and it freaking stinks I tell you, it kinda stinks like Johnson´s baby wipes if my memory is correct.

Still waiting to see my doc for a fill, after the last time I went to the clinic I don´t want to go there again (was jabbed 6 times and was all bloody and bruised after it, it honestly took just under 40 minutes).

I so want to run, but I first need to get my back and body back in a semi good state. Why does one want to run sigh it seems like such a weird longing. When I was a kid I was a runner, I quit when I never got higher than second place! FACE MEET PALM how stupid was I and how I wish I could run.

olympics and future plans

I am a figure skating fan, I especially love the couples free style routine. Now I should be studying for an exam on Thursday but my attention span is less than zero. So instead I am jealously watching figure skating and wishing that it would have been an option when I was a kid.  I also just had to pick my jaw off the floor while watching the womens freestyle skiing, I kept holding my breath when the difficulty level got high and I was soooo bummed when Lydia Lassila fell in landing and placed thrid.

I got my lab results back last week from the latest blood test. It all came back good except well he said I could do with a bit more vit D. I was super happy hearing this since he had said my liver could still be recovering but seems to be back in order now.

I am dreaming big now. I want to move to Norway in two years time. I can work over there as an assistant pharmacist with my Bachelors degree and it would give me twice as much pay as I would get as a head pharmacist over here (masters degree). My kid was a bit apprehensive and now he seems to be more OK with it. I just dont want to live here anymore. The country is in shambles and you have to work yourself to the bone just to scrape by even if you have a degree. I want more for my kid. I want to have a better quality of living and Norway offers that. I have done lots of research on this matter for a few years and now I just want to do this. We would have to wait two years so that I can finish my Bachelors and my bf can finish his marine engineering degree. So lets hope this works out I need something to look forward to. The cost of living is 50% better in Norway than here (includes pay and home and all that jazz) and even though the cost of living in Sweden is 98% higher than here I would not want to go over there, we have family there and they love it but I just dont like the language. I know Danish and Norwegian is basically that but just way more understandeble so next year I will be going to health professional Norwegian language classes (crossing my fingers).

I have not been good with walking lately but I will.

take a break or not to...

I am very undecided about whether or not I should take a real break from blogging or if I should stick to it. I am waiting for my surgeon to be here again for another fill. I have had a war going on in my head since Christmas, I am basically and addict and I am trying to get back on the straight and narrow but it is hard, and I sometimes feel like if I don't have anything positive to report I shouldn't bother blogging but I know that isnt right, I really should blog just for me not focusing so much on whether it is a good/fun blog or not (still stuck in the weirdo momentum of what other people think about me). I also decided to skip buying candy this Saturday (Iceland has this strong tradition of gorging on candy on Saturdays and the addict I am have a hard time on those days) but I was craving something so I baked me some oatmeal-coconut-chocolate cookie (I used about half less sugar than the recipe said and also about half the chocolate chips) it´s not sugary sweet but it did kill the craving and I think it was a bit healthier than candy.

I went out for a small walk on Saturday (my hip didn't like it, guess its not recovered from the sprain in January) and I only managed 1,75 km or 1,1 miles. Then today I had to take my car to the shop for a repaint (they didnt do that good of a job on my bumpers last year (damage was not my fault lol)) I had to walk home, well I could have called a taxi or something but I wanted to walk home and I totaled 1,53 km or  0,95 miles and today my hip didn't complain all that much, but I can tell you that Converse aren't the best choice of foot ware to walk in hahaha

YAY me!

I did it :) I so wasn't planning on doing it but suddenly felt like it, and I did a whole 38 min program on the bike without thinking once that I wanted to quit. Now I am just hoping my back/hip will be happy and not kill me later tonight or tomorrow.

This weekend will be spent studying for a 30% test in physicochemical principles of pharmacy (yeah say that fast 10 times), there will be no final in this course just 3 tests during the semester and I am kinda scared of it. But to keep my stress at bay I am taking regular breaks and knitting mittens for that kid of mine, I swear he loses so many of them that I no longer buy them just make tons of them.

I don't remember if I mention it but I am not going for another fill this month, with all this stress and all the sliders I have consumed (so ashamed about that) I want to get on a good place with the fill that I have, this band of mine is weird it feels almost as tight now with 5.4 ml in it as it did with 6.5 ml I had before the gallbladder removal.

My kid finally came home today YAY. He has been gone this whole week, he left on Monday for a trip with his school to a camp near where I lived as a kid. This is a place where almost all school in the country go to for a week, they take two schools at a time, and only kids in the 7th grade (13 year olds) go there and it was such a funny coincidence that his old class in his old school was there with him so he also got to meet all his old friends.

I am gonna go see the MD soon and have another blood test. I am so tired all the time and my hair is really thin now so I want to see if I need a top up on that B12 again. And guess its time to start taking all my multi vitamins and omega again (kinda went haywire after the surgery)

Proof I put some effort into it today
total 674 kcal of which 529 came while cycling

stress/depression

I am super stressed these days and it has not helped with my weight loss. I really don´t know why I am stressed, well it could be finance, school, weight loss, isolation, life etc. I have been feeling kind of isolated for a while now too. I have not had any time to spend with friends or family. And the times I try to reach out to friends they are busy with their lives (which I totally understand), but it can be a lot disheartening trying to reach out and they never have time to chat and constantly forget to call back. I am just being a bit dramatic I think, but I really should try to befriend more people (I am more the few good friends kind gal) but maybe having more people in my social ring would be good, I am just such a wuss and meeting new people scares the shit out of me.
Sorry bout this rant just really needed to vent, although my friend it Norway did wonders for my mood today I so miss having her here where I could just go over and spend time doing silly things.

pinched nerve / sprained muscle

So I went to the farm this weekend. My in laws (well not literally since I am not married) own a huge valley and a small farm up west in the fjords. We have been trying to go there since Christmas but the weather up there has been awful until now. We had such a blast on Saturday, going for visits and then going out to play in the snow. Well that was not a good thing for me since I somehow managed to sprain a muscle or pinch a nerve in my left hip, and let me tell you it freaking hurts. I almost fainted from pain when trying to get up from the couch last night. So I am I guess a failure in that 30 day challenge now. But I will start it up again when I am over this fudger.

Here are some pictures I took before my hip started to go bonkers.

My son found this snow bank that looked like it belonged on a dinosaur if you viewed if from the side 

this snowbank is higher that a single storey house

my son dug this hole and it is more than 4 feet 11" or even deeper since my son is 5 foot 6"

a view into the valley such a pretty view

my son dug a tunnel through the first snow bank he saw

there were lots of seals on the beach near the farm

they are not that timid 

last day of Christmas tomorrow

We took down all the decorations today. I started the day with my exercises, too lazy to use the bike but hey I did something. School starts tomorrow and tomorrow is also the last day of Icelandic Christmas, so we will have something yummy to eat, this time we are going to have steak with bernaise sauce and then we will go back to regular eating habits. My school schedule is not the best lol well it is ok but boy oh boy will this be hard. I have lab work in all courses and I am hoping to get Tuesdays off so I have one extra whole day to study, not super optimistic but it could happen it all depends on where my lab work in organic chemistry 2 lands.

day 3 and men suck

Well I did day 3 and used the bike for a measly 5 minutes. I got annoyed that my bf had turned off the HRM on the watch so it didn't count the calories, so I go downstairs a bit annoyed at him and tell him why, he asks if he should turn it back on and I said no cause I was going to try it myself, then it didn't work and I tossed it over to him on the other couch turn round to fill up my water bottle, then I hear this thump and sure enough he threw my watch to the floor breaking it, cause he said I threw it at him, well I sure as hell didn't so now I am upstairs steaming mad and he thinks it is all my fault. UGH men SUCK!

Day 2 done

My ass hurts. Guess I should have stretched yesterday. I did my exercises this morning even though my muscles are sore from yesterday. Not much else to report, I am going to start weighing again on Thursdays and posting it here. I am going to do better this year, I am also going to get my back in shape. Too bad I don´t really like exercise but I love how I feel after.

doing a 30 day challenge!

Yes me the lazy ass chick joined a 30 day challenge, it entails choosing at least 2 out of 6 exercises and doing them according to the plan for a total of 30 days, I am doing ALL 6 yes you read that right all of them. For most people that isn't so hard but it will certainly be a challenge for me. So here is a picture of the plan.

My boyfriend is also doing the challenge and that's why there are two types of ink on there, I am the red one. I was petrified about doing the plank but it was OK but I have to admit that at the end of the 20 seconds I was trembling, and I did the cop out kind like on my knees thing but it was all I could and it was allowed hahaha, they posted a picture of all the exercises and how you could do them.
I am going to get my HRM fixed well not fixed just put new batteries in it so I can start using it. And starting tomorrow I am also going to use my bike before doing the exercises.

I took a video of the craziness that is New Years here, we spent way to much on fireworks and will not do so again this year since we are saving for a trip to NYC and Orlando next year. So that means no more wasting money, no more nail polishes says my kid hahaha thats what he thinks I spend all the money on hahahaha. But in all seriousness I am going to be a money dictator starting today, from now on I will only shop for two weeks at a time instead of every day, and I AM going to be able to take my kid on that amazing trip.

 

Oooooh by the way I passed all my exams, I am so happy and still in shock. I was so sure that I would fail that last exam but I got 55% so thats 5 more than needed and I sat in shock when I saw it, like literally couldnt speak and my bf was like "what is it, spit it out"